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"If it's a one-time poop, you let that poop go." - Jesse Cox, 2015

"It's a lot nicer, because there's the changing seasons and that means that the homeless people get killed off in the winter, so we have like... so the actual homeless people we have, those are like the top-tier homeless people, cause they have survived. - Crendor, 2014

"Don't write anything bad on here." - Jesse Cox

"Be the white knight, not the squire!" - Jesse Cox, 2013 (On the top in a scroll with cherub babies)

"JENSEN!" - Jesse Cox 2012

"They were quality goat heads." - Crendor, 2013

"Thank you, fat." - Jesse Cox, 2013

"Find someone else to drive your ass to the salon, you dumb hoe!" - Jesse Cox, 2013

"God why are we so smart?" - Crendor, 2012

"Stop being too young for me to hit on you ya damn kids." - Jesse Cox, 2014

"We’re higher on the food chain than Satan." - Jesse Cox, 2013

"And my name is Imaginary Thought Walrus." - Crendor, 2012

"Gold is space chocolate." - Jesse Cox, 2013


"Technically it's like brain fapping." - Jesse Cox, 2012

"Maybe you have a back problem." - Crendor, 2012

"Take the woman! She has the money, take her!" - Jesse Cox, 2012

"Back in my day, we would've been happy to have a vegetable tray!" - Crendor 2013

"I can't swallow it whole or my poops will come out too hard!" - Jesse Cox, 2012

"So what you're saying is... we need to start a diamond company." - Crendor, 2012

"You suck, world!" - Jesse Cox, 2012

"Oh, the black guy!" - Crendor, 2013

"Rub it down with olive oil." - Jesse Cox, 2014

"You want toys for Christmas? Well I got you a moose head." - Crendor 2012

"We had fun world, but you're stupid as shit." - Jesse Cox, 2013

"I couldn't find an article, so instead we're doing Mad Libs!" - Crendor, 2012

"Look, I'm just saying I want a really nice ass." - Jesse Cox, 2012

"Sheru-bick children?" - Crendor, 2012


"I think I spent ten minutes rubbing that potato." - Jesse Cox, 2014

"What if the bigfeet are the alien dogs!?" - Crendor, 2012

"It was big, and it was luscious, and it looked like it needed to be eaten." - Jesse Cox, 2014

"Places with winter are better because all of the homeless people get killed off." - Crendor, 2014

"Only a man named Dick Mandingo would invent something as awful as the McRib." - Jesse, 2012

"Food, water may be scar-se!" - Crendor, 2012

"What are they gonna do? Build a... kid party?" - Jesse Cox, 2014

"I knew a Trig Jegman once! Guy was an asshole!" - Crendor, 2013

"I had a dream where an Alien Leprechaun came and poked my butthole with a banana!" - Jesse, 2012

"There's 1 Tweet. And it's from Mr. Suave." - Crendor, 2012

"All I'm saying is I want to murder Hugh Jackman and wear his skin." - Jesse, 2013

"Robocops are the worst." - Crendor, 2014

"I almost believed something existed, until I started reading about it." -Jesse, 2013

"Why are you friendzoning me swiss miss!?" - Crendor, 2013

"What is Thor?" "Thor is.... Oooooohhhhhh~!" - Cox'n'Crendor 2014

"Oh my God what if the horses have like scuba masks on?" - Crendor, 2013

"You think you're gonna run me over? You ain't gonna run me over, imma dog, I'LL RUN YOU OVER!" - Jesse Cox, 2014

"Then I realized: I'm kinda in love with this potato right now." - Jesse Cox, 2014

"Iron Man is:....C'moooooonnnn!" - Crendor, 2014

"We're trying to insult Spiderman, not mess with your keyboard." - Jesse Cox, 2014

"Florida Man hits pregnant woman with cheeseburger." - Crendor, 2014

"If there was a badger and I was a badger I would be named Dadger Ben." -Jesse Cox, 2013

"That's what I do, I slap all over." - Crendor, 2014

"Every morning I get up, and I say to myself, "Why are you so smart?""-Crendor 2013.

"My poop never looks white" - Jesse Cox 2014

"Baja blast me" - Crendor 2014

"Wah! She's a goober!" - Crendor, 2014

"It's stupid and I don't like it, that's sports!" - Crendor

"If there is a god, and you are merciful. You will blow this gas station up and just kill us all." -Jesse 2017