The Elf Story is an unnamed novel series thought up by Jesse and Crendor on episode 25 of the podcast.
A young girl loves a guy but he doesn't love her back, she's not beautiful but she's not ugly either, she's sort of plain. She just wants people to treat her like an adult yet she has stuffed animals in her room. She has another friend, who's this guy who likes her, she doesn't necessarily like him back because she likes this other guy and they're all elves and they live in a big tree and one half of the family is the Keybler Elves who make cookies and they're like "you're gonna be in the damn cookie family, tradition and you're gonna be a cookie maker" and she's like "I don't wanna be a cookie maker, I wanna go fight wars, with the high elves" and the High Elves are like "we shall accept you into our family" because she tries to disguise herself but then they find out she's a Keybler Elf and they're like "get away" and then in the 3rd book it gets turned up a notch and she meets the anti-hero who's a Dark Elf who is so mysterious and she's so enticed by his good looks and emo tormented past thing that they instantly bang and the High Elf guy who has realized that she was into him is like "wha- no" and the Keybler elf guy is like "wha- no" and then there's a 3 way triangle of these guys seeking her love and then the Goblins attack and there is a huge battle and she is captured along with Dark Elf badboy, Keybler Elf friend and High elf love interest and the Goblins love torturing their captives in unusual ways and they find her diary documenting all the previous drama and use that against them saying that they'll everyone go if Elf Girl kills one of the other elves. She decides to kill the Dark Elf because comparatively he's morally the worst out of the elves BUT THEN and here's the twist, the Keybler Elf friend takes the weapon from her and stabs himself in the heart and says "I'd rather do this than you kill someone" and she's like "why! why would you do this".
Oliana sat on the end of her bed made of ancient tree bark and lost dreams, contemplating why her father had been cruel enough to ban her from the outside world all she had done was suggest they change the recipe for the savoury star cookies, granted these cookie used a recipe that had been handed down for centuries of Keybler Elves, not be confused with another type of elf for copyright reasons.